November 2007
Into the Light
Sash
If we single-pointedly practice great compassion, then, with little effort, we will be able to gain all other virtues.
-Geshe Namgyal Wangchen, "Awakening the Mind"
Anyone in the entertainment industry can expect a certain amount of public criticism, but no one tastes the bitterness of prejudice more than those in the gay entertainment spotlight. Why are we so judgmental of our fellow brothers and sisters in our own community? Why do we chastise the very people who paved the way for the rest of us in the march for equality?
From the Stonewall riots in New York City, to the annual Gay Pride Parade in Charleston, West Virginia and every other city in the country and world, drag queens and kings have formed the front line defense on the war on equality for the LGBT communities for decades now.
It is not just the female impersonators that endure this scrutiny from their own family on a daily basis, but those individual’s, especially men, that compete in title competition events are forced to tolerate the thoughtless words and harassment that comes from our viperous tongues.
When initially outlining this story, I first painted a very negative portrait of these guys, but I have watched someone very close to me from afar for the past few months and my attitude has pivoted. I have watched a man who has touched my soul shrug off my negative, cheap shots as well as the jabs from many other ‘friends’in the community and his response is always a genuine smile and a slight inquisitive look in return.
Today I tossed those earlier drafts into the waste basket as I experienced a huge wave of shame transfuse through my entire body. Shame for my actions and lack of support to this man. I am emotionally overwhelmed as I passionately tap at my keyboard and begin this story.
Jealousy and doubt blinded me and prevented me from showing any form of support for my friend as he would quietly pack his various pieces of leather into his weekend suitcase and venture off to a new event each weekend. However, my negative actions did not dull the enthusiasm in his eyes. He persevered alone.
Another wave of shame penetrates my thoughts as I picture him on a stage someplace distant; proudly wearing a sash and loyally representing a community that has showed very little loyalty in return for his efforts.
I was thinking today what my world would be like if these people were not in it. My thoughts instantly converted to a dull black and white film, before color was introduced to the movie industry.
I have to say that most of my family of friends in the gay community over the past 20 years have been drag queens or as we sometimes refer to them as ‘Sash Queens’ in the leather and bear communities.
In an earlier interview for WVAS QUEER NEWS this year, I spoke to Ms. Taylor Made after she had been crowned Miss Pride of WV 2007. I asked her what she was feeling when they announced her name as the winner. Her answer brought a smile to my face and I still chuckle thinking about it. She responded: "It’s about damn time!”.
There is no room for inter-community prejudices and hatred toward one of our sub groups. The LGBT consists of a large base of diverse and multi-talented individuals. Together we form the colors of the rainbow and ‘it’s about damn time we get along.’
Into the light is a weekly column dedicated to rational discussion of legislative pursuit, moral proposition and the general quest for equality of the LGBT Community.
Jim Lawson
webcowboy42@aol.com
Why does the fifty percent failure rate of all relationships not stop us from trying? The average gay relationship is months--not years, yet we are driven by some invisible force to keep trying. When it comes to love and compassion, we are a starving nation.
Into the Light
A Beautiful Mess!
Shuffle through the user profiles of available men in this area on Gay.com or any other popular cyber hangout and it does not take long at all before you realize that it is mostly 4's and 5's looking for 10's. Men in their 40's and 50's looking for 25 and younger. Individuals that sometimes top the scale at 250 or even 300 pounds or more, but prefer ‘slimmer dudes’. “No pic–Don’t bother”, but where is their pic? Ah, the humor in irony!
“Not into hookups”, one guy has posted, but while you are reading his profile you get an instant message from yours truly and guess what? He is making an exception today, apparently, and he is asking you to detail your sexual preferences, and pictures would be helpful too.
Am I the only one that finds an “open relationship” to be a contradiction in terms? Or the only one that thinks the word “discreet” is widely misused and, in most cases, is referring to someone who is either married and not out of the closet or is cheating on their partner. I don’t think the terms “discreet” and “liar” were originally meant to be interchangeable.
Still the Internet remains a very viable option for singles. It does provide a setting to chat and possibly meet others for companionship and more, without smoke filled bars or other social gathering places. You learn to take the thorns with the roses, so to speak. Having a good therapist to help sort through all the insanity at times is helpful too.
Why does the fifty percent failure rate of all relationships not stop us from trying? The average gay relationship is months--not years, yet we are driven by some invisible force to keep trying. When it comes to love and compassion, we are a starving nation.
Ideology often out powers reality in today’s complex society. We establish very tough prerequisites to qualify another person into our lives, but what about ourselves? Are we really that great of a catch? Are we intentionally concealing certain details about ourselves and, at the same time, asking for a complete and thorough probe into someone else’s backside? Whatever happened to the “get to know each other” part of dating?
Maybe we should have our lives condensed to a microchip and linked to a UPC code that is tattooed on our foreheads and readily available for anyone to scan and shop for compatibility. But then that would require that everyone be honest, so scratch that idea completely.
We all have pasts and we all have baggage and closets full of things people don’t know or have forgotten about us. Why is this such a bad thing? It’s those very things that we try to conceal that have molded us into the person we are. Life is about interacting and reacting, so why are we just “acting”?
The scars we try to hide from the world are the very things that define us as individuals and not robots or clones. It is our falls or failures that build character more than our successes.
In the movie ‘First Wive’s Club’, Diane Keaton expresses her doubt and lack of self-confidence to her co-stars Goldie Hawn and Bette Midler, by saying: “Just look at us, we are a mess!”, but Midler’s character responds by saying: “Yes, but a beautiful mess!”
Into the light is a weekly column dedicated to rational discussion of legislative pursuit, moral proposition and the general quest for equality of the LGBT Community.
Jim Lawson
webcowboy42@aol.com
"Life Uncommon" Lyrics written and performed by Jewel
Into the Light
Convictions
I believe the singer/songwriter Jewel, to be one of the greatest writers of all times. Her words have inspired me from the day I first heard her first hit song on the radio. The lyrics to her song, “Life Uncommon”, sets the stage for my story this week:
"Life Uncommon" Lyrics written and performed by Jewel
Don't worry mother, it'll be alright
And don't worry sister, say your prayers and sleep tight
It'll be fine lover of mine
It'll be just fine
Lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And you shall lead a life uncommon
I've heard your anguish
I've heard your hearts cry out
We are tired, we are weary, but we aren't worn out
Set down your chains, until only faith remains
Set down your chains
And lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength to that
which you wish to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And you shall lead a life uncommon
There are plenty of people who pray for peace
But if praying were enough it would have come to be
Let your words enslave no one and the heavens will hush themselves
To hear our voices ring out clear
With sounds of freedom
sounds of freedom
Come on you unbelievers, move out of the way
There is a new army coming and we are armed with faith
To live, we must give
To live
And lend our voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend our strength to that which we wish to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead...
Lend our voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend out strength to that which we with to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead a life uncommon
And don't worry sister, say your prayers and sleep tight
It'll be fine lover of mine
It'll be just fine
Lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And you shall lead a life uncommon
I've heard your anguish
I've heard your hearts cry out
We are tired, we are weary, but we aren't worn out
Set down your chains, until only faith remains
Set down your chains
And lend your voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend your strength to that
which you wish to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And you shall lead a life uncommon
There are plenty of people who pray for peace
But if praying were enough it would have come to be
Let your words enslave no one and the heavens will hush themselves
To hear our voices ring out clear
With sounds of freedom
sounds of freedom
Come on you unbelievers, move out of the way
There is a new army coming and we are armed with faith
To live, we must give
To live
And lend our voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend our strength to that which we wish to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead...
Lend our voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lend out strength to that which we with to be free from
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead a life uncommon
‘Taking a stand’ for what you believe in is a forceful act that changes the flow of energy for the good or bad of the world around you. It,often, means seeing those you love from the other side and going friendless for a period of time. It, also, means going against the grain for a cause you are passionate about and standing alone or being part of the minority, rather than the massive majority, regarding certain issues. I have done my share of standing alone and I have heard the careless whispers of small groups of chatters as I entered a room or passed by them, as they take refuge in numbers for their consciences and dirty deeds.
When is it the right thing to be wrong? There are times when your silence can be devastating. There are events and situations when we cannot just go with the flow and, there are times when you feel you must change the direction of the flow entirely. There is a time to resist and not to not just drift.
Some battles are worth fighting and others just cause trouble. If you are faced with or involved in conflict, ask yourself if it is worth your energy to resist.
When you take a stand, others will follow. I don’t believe my parents or other family members or friends, ever wanted to see me treated as a second class citizen, but it was not until I took a stand for my own rights, that I received their backing. Sometimes it is necessary to make a radical change and in order to do that, we must take a stand or take the lead concerning certain matters. Others will follow.
Is it better to be silent and stand by quietly as innocent people are treated inhumanely? Does that not make us an accomplice in the act? Morally, it does!
You should not view this as a “me–against-them” standpoint. The objective is to open minds and allow them to see for themselves. The purpose of your actions is not to make enemies or form boundaries, but through research and teaching, bring a situation ‘into the light’. Even though, you are not personally affected by something, the very same thing may dramatically affect other lives. Try to see each situation through the eye’s of others. Think outside the box and encourage others to do the same. Reversing the flow of energy is not an easy task.
Show respect for those in the middle, but encourage them to not sit idle. Ignoring a situation, will only allow for it to worsen; hatred breeds and grows in darkness. We all must act with our own conscience, but the future of the LGBT community lies in our hands. ( Yes, that is stolen from Cate Blanchette in the movie Elizabeth--as many people know, Elizabeth I is one of my most admired leaders of all times). http://intothelightwithjim.bravehost.com/oct2007.html Into the Light archives--Heroes and Villains
We must also dismiss myths and outdated moral propaganda when deciding the right thing to do for each of us. If your position involves fear, face that fear head on and question the validation of your stand.
If you determine that the outcome of your stand will serve you or others, then you must persevere boldly and aggressively.
You must truly believe in your position to make a stand. You will need integrity and strength of character to accompany you through battle. Choose your battles wisely and make a strong stand for your convictions.
Into the light is a weekly column dedicated to rational discussion of legislative pursuit, moral proposition and the general quest for equality of the LGBT Community.
Jim Lawson
Into the Light
Traffic
Are your dreams leading you to happiness or heartache? Will there be a happy ending to the “movie” you are currently starring in?
Sometimes sudden and unexpected changes in our lives can miraculously resolve a sticky situation and happiness arrives via a new source of hope. Misunderstandings are forgiven and mistakes are forgotten.
Worrying about the future too much can literally sabotage your happiness. Whether there is a divine plan for you or if it happens to just be a game of chance, we sometimes need to just let life happen and allow time for wounds and hearts to heal. We change constantly and the people around us do as well.
There is a constant flow of people coming and going in our lives. Some will deliver qualities and tools we can utilize in our personal journey and others will steal from us and cause grief and setbacks. Some will leave us breathless with desire and others will mislead us.
We need to rearrange our schedules and spend our time in ways that are truly meaningful to us. A ‘happily ever after’ may come through the eyes of a stranger. Allow for a sudden change of plans in your quest for happiness.
The holidays are upon us. Everyone is busy with their own agendas. To some people, the holidays mean good friends and happy memories of past celebrations, but for many, they serve as reminders of how alone we are in life. Open your hearts to diversity in your friendship circle this year. You may receive the biggest gift of all by doing so. To only judge a book by it’s cover will leave you shortchanged in the end, search a little deeper into a strangers eyes this season; give someone that second chance and forgive misunderstandings between friends. Time is so precious and we never realize this until time has expired. Embrace those in your circle now and make room for newcomers into that circle. If you want change in your life, you have to allow it to happen.
Some times our circle of friends and acquaintances shifts to a higher frequency by allowing new people into our lives and often it also means old friends will part ways. As our thoughts and emotions center on more spiritually natured topics, we begin to attract like-minded people into our circle and we may lose some old friends that we no longer share common interests with. This is a natural shift and we should not worry. We all deserve wonderful friends who inspire, support, understand and compliment us.
If we are to achieve our ‘happily ever after’ we must be able to visualize it without worry.
Into the light is a weekly column dedicated to rational discussion of legislative pursuit, moral proposition and the general quest for equality of the LGBT Community.
Jim Lawson
bravenet.com