February 2008
Table for One?
February 14th can be a very cruel reminder to someone who is single and not currently dating anyone and has no significant other in their lives. One can become very resentful of all the heart shaped boxes of candy that seem to be on every shelf in every aisle of whatever store they find themselves in.
For nearly a month we endure commercials for diamonds, movies about happy couples and ads for romantic getaways for two. Few of us are brave enough to dine alone in public on this day or go to a movie by ourselves. So what are our options? Should we make or accept a date just to be partnered for a day?
If Valentine’s Day finds you single or just distanced from your partner or lover, why not spend it with others that play significant roles in your life? Call your parents up and take them out for an evening of celebration of the love that brought you into the world. If an ex is still single, what is wrong with the two of you just spending the evening celebrating the past and the love you experienced together during another time even? Reflect back on the love you have known in the past. These relationships were important to us once and should remain that way in our hearts.
Another great way to beat the Valentine’s Day Blues is to just go out and enjoy yourself in a crowd of other singles. Most couples prefer to be alone on this night, but you might want to even spend some time with your favorite couple and show your respect for their success with their relationship. Just call them and let them know you appreciate them being in your life and are inspired by their love for each other.
This may also be a time to consider opening your mind and heart to new adventures. Be a little impulsive. What is wrong with making a date for the night and getting to know someone new?
We should never resent the happiness of others.
Into the light is a weekly column dedicated to rational discussion of legislative pursuit, moral proposition and the general quest for equality of the LGBT Community.
Jim Lawson
webcowboy42@aol.com
Love on the Horizon
Bon Voyage!
You have battled the stormy weather and violent seas of the night and survived to see the tranquility of a new sunrise and the calm beautiful blue, open ocean waters that a new morning brings if you endure the night. You have emerged as a massive, mighty and competent ship on uncharted waters. Your heart has survived and your endurance has increased to a new level of confidence. In a distance, you can see other ships and vessels and anticipate a closer look, but for now you enjoy the solitaire, peaceful feelings of your achievements. There are no visible barriers or obstacles ahead that you cannot easily handle. A new and unpredictable journey lies in front of you and you welcome the fresh new challenge. Not only did you not buckle to the powerful forces of the monstrous storm of the previous evening, but you have somehow found new strength from the experience--full speed ahead!
Our hearts are like ships on a sea of romance. We cannot predict the events and forces that we will encounter on this voyage or journey, and even though we carefully plan and map the trip, changes in our plans, detours and delays are inevitable. This is the essence of life.
The sea is no place for a poorly built vessel to sail and even the most fierce of all ships can anticipate some repairs along the way. The final destination or fate of this ship is a secret only the Gods share. Only time can reveal which port it will drop it's anchor at next. The excitement is growing. A ship was built to sail the seas, it is not content on being idle.
As my hand scribbles the experiences of my heart to my journal, my mind carefully tucks the emotions and disappointments away and releases my heart into the hands of an unknown future. My soul has strengthened from the experience and I focus on the journey ahead. If I look back from time to time, the view will become smaller each time. Eventually,they will live only in my memory. New places and people await my arrival. I am armed with knowledge and have become a seasoned seaman. Lessons learned can now be applied to the next adventure.
I must make sure all restraints have been removed that hold me here. They will only slow me down now. I read about foreign places I want to visit during my journey. My heart dreams. One final security check, fuel, map, supplies...I am ready. Full speed ahead.
Bon Voyage!
Into the light is a weekly column dedicated to rational discussion of legislative pursuit, moral proposition and the general quest for equality of the LGBT Community. Jim Lawson
Into the Light
Cyber Hell
More and more people everyday are becoming victims of a fairly new crime that is quickly emerging as a very serious safety threat for those who chat online. Stalkers who go online are creating new problems for law officials and new legislation to protect us from these cyber bullies is being introduced and quickly passed in almost every state in the US.
I have become the target of one of these Internet cowards recently on both Gay.com and AOL local chat rooms for gay men. The experience has been horrifying and support from Gay.com and AOL has been almost nonexistent. It has become a routine thing to see someone impersonating me under a very similar user screen name as the one assigned to me and now the stalker has boldly stolen my picture and identity to create user profiles meant for no other purpose, but to cause harm to me. This lack of support and my increasing concern for my physical safety has forced me to do my own research into existing laws and statistics and criminal, as well as psychological, profiles of how to identify and deal with these online criminals.
What I have discovered is frightening, but as cases of cyberstalking make it into courtrooms across the country, a new hope for victims is born. As with most crime, knowledge is the first step in fighting back and reclaiming your dignity and disarming the predator of his power over your life. I will not use names or screen names involved in this matter that might impact the investigation that is currently being conducted. This information I am sharing is meant to inform readers of a serious safety threat for those who chat online and to assist those that have become victims of Internet harassment and cyber bullying or stalking and to warn those who are utilizing the Internet to harass or bully another person that IT IS AGAINST THE LAW!
In most cases of reported cyberstalking, the police do not want to get involved until a physical crime occurs. However, most cyberstalking laws allow for prosecution if multiple emails or messages threatening violence have been received by someone. Often times the culprit may live in another state and is rarely extradited for what is usually considered a misdemeanor.
Not all cyberstalking involves threats of violence though, as many people falsely assume. There are other forms of cyberstalking and they often will lead to violence if not taken serious while still in other forms of harassment.
Many cyberstalkers fit the profile of loners with low-level jobs, but anyone who lets an obsession take over part of their life can become a stalker. About two-thirds of the cases involve revenge. The person has lost an argument or is turned down romantically. Hundreds of new cases of someone using the Internet to intimidate or harass and humiliate another person are reported each week.
It is important to recognize and stop stalking behavior before it escalates into possible acts of violence. Often if the victim knows the stalker it is hard to see them as a serious threat. Here are some alarming signals that you are maybe being stalked:
1. Someone is lurking around your neighborhood or place of employment, or when dealing with a cyberstalker, they may actually follow your Internet footsteps and hangout in chat rooms for the sole purpose of keeping an eye on you.
2. They may just lurk quietly at first and watch you and every move you make; who you chat with; they gather personal information on your life; they may even go as far as searching public records to obtain personal information on you. They may also be keeping logs of chats or making personal notes on you.
3. They will often obtain your personal or work phone number and repeatedly call you. This includes hang up calls or silent messages of blocked calls on your call ID or voice mail.
4. Ignoring the stalker is not always successful. It may actually anger the stalker, resulting in other acts to get your attention or manipulating you. It is common for a stalker to file frivolous lawsuits or charges against you in order to give the appearance that they have some control or to maintain a control over you.
5. The stalker posts public messages or sends multiple private messages or emails of a threatening nature or that are of defamation of character in nature. The stalker wants to expose a personal secret or private information on the victim. Cyberstalking can be even more dangerous than physical stalking, because it intimidates online victims and limits their access to information on the stalker.
6. The stalker may have even been successful of hacking into the victims personal computer and have access to information it contains.
7. In my situation, there have been a couple actual threats of violence, but the stalking is basically statements made by the stalker in a public chat that are defamation of character or just insults in general. The stalker has tried to isolate me from friends and the community that the chat serves by releasing character-damaging information, regardless whether it is true or not. This is meant to cause the victim to retreat or withdraw and this is exactly what the stalker wants. It is important not to give into these threats; fight them and don' give them what they want to see.
As I mentioned before, it has become very common for me to log into a chat and see my name and picture flashing across the chat along with some pretty vulgar language and obscene remarks or false information. I am a reporter and writer for WVAS QUEER NEWS and sometimes highlight personal life experiences to shed light on a particular subject for my readers. This person has utilized this information and pieces of information that I have disclosed that have affected my life and personal growth and he often changes the events and rewrites his own alternate versions of them to humiliate or cause mental anguish or pain for me.
One event in particular that he often plays on is the suicide of my former partner. I have written about my struggles and the need for therapy sessions to deal with this traumatic event. My stalker has suggested that the suicide was not a suicide and actually suggested that I murdered this person that I loved more than anything or anyone else in my life to date, but again, this is the kind of hurt that brings gratification to this bitter and deviously malice person.
I am not this stalker's only victim. There are many, although I seem to be his favorite target; there are numerous others that have to deal with his criminal behavior everyday. I have kept logs of conversations and requests to gay.com for help in removing him from the chat room, but have only received two very generic responses and non-responsibility notifications. I have recently turned to the judicial system for protection and help dealing with this guy.
Gay.com often totally ignores complaints from non-premium membership members. Although, it is understandable they offer more services to these people, it is not acceptable to ignore a situation that could become violent or even life-threatening to anyone who uses their service or visits their chat rooms.
I have researched and am including current laws dealing with cyberstalking or harassment currently on the law books in the state of West Virginia. One of my sources for this story suggests that cyberstalking is actually taken more serious by police and prosecutors than physical stalking, because there is a record of the stalking in chat logs and copies of emails and messages, where as it is hard to prove these in court without other evidence in regular stalking cases.
WV State Law:
§61-3C-14a. Obscene, anonymous, harassing and threatening communications by computer; penalty.
§61-3C-14a. Obscene, anonymous, harassing and threatening communications by computer; penalty.
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